Alice! Who the ____ is Alice?

Our recent week-end narrowboat hire was a bit of a disaster! We found the boatyard easy enough, Claymoore Navigation at Preston Brook, by using my autoroute 2001 and my laptop. We hired nb Alice at fairly short notice, a two berth smallish boat. We were dismayed to find her looking very shabby both inside and out. We were originally intending to go up to Lymm and then on to Worsley as we had to be in Worsley for dad’s 80th birthday party which we thought was at midday. This would have meant a dash back at top speed to get the boat back in time for Monday morning. We then found out it was an evening meal so we had to change our plans. Ignoring the state of the boat and determined to enjoy it anyway, we set off southwards through Preston Brook tunnel where we had to wait until the appointed hour before southbound could go through. We followed a private narrowboat through but it was going so slow, I could hardly steer Alice. Through the tunnel we arrived at Dutton stop lock, the very first lock that Diane had ever tackled and mine for a number of years. As the fall was only a few inches, this made it a very easy introduction for Diane as she was doing the locking whilst I controlled the boat. We then were faced with Saltersford Tunnel which was a bit unnerving as you can’t see through it and there are no timings to get you through without meeting an oncoming boat. I realized half way through that I should have used the horn to signal that I was coming through it but we were lucky. Barnton Tunnel was no problem as you could see through it even though it was much longer than Saltersford Tunnel. We passed by the Anderton boat lift but were put off the area by the huge chemical works. The scenery got better as we cruised further and delighted to see both Kingfishers and Heron. As we approached Northwich we went just past Broken Cross Bridge when we noticed a canalside pub, it was getting late so we moored just a bit further up past the pub. Before our showers, I turned on the central heating which after a few minutes blew up with steam and hot water cascading down the inside of the boat. This drenched the carpet which hadn’t been cleaned for I don’t know how long as it became muddy! Oh well, shower pub, pint, pub meal, bed. Woke early next morning to find Alice in the middle of the canal and both our lines adrift! I got the engine going and managed to get back alongside the towpath to find both our mooring spikes had been pinched. The boat next to us had one spike missing also but the thief mustn’t have been able to get the other one out or was disturbed. I hailed the occupant who was also unaware of the dastardly deed but as we had nothing to moor with, I set off to find a bollard to tie up to. We found a wooden post a bit further up to which we tied up, this allowed us to get ready for the rest of the day. I searched my Nicholsons guide to find a boatyard was nearby so we went there tied up and waited for half an hour until it opened and paid ₤11-50 for two new mooring spikes. With the lesson learned about mooring in public places, we headed on to Middlewich Kings lock, downed a couple of Tetleys bitter in the pub, turned around at the winding hole just beyond and headed back towards Preston Brook. Our second night was at a beautiful quiet spot between bridges 176 and 177 with the river Dane below us. Spag Bog, bottle of Rioja, bed. The bed had to be made up and once up, it was impossible to do anything in the lounge of the boat. Got up in the night to pee and discovered the still muddy carpet on my feet. Got back to Preston Brook by midday Sunday and told them of the problems to which they just shrugged as if it didn’t matter. Diane said it was the most uncomfortable time and if it had been our first hire, it would have put her off boating forever! Luckily we had hired before with none of these problems and a comfortable bed at Viking Afloat from Whitchurch on the Llangollen